Diary

This is called a diary, but a diary is written in daily, and I intend to update this page every month or so, so really it's a mensuary. Either way, I'll write about my life here.

Life Update: May 2025

I don’t think it’s impossible to have hobbies and also work full-time but I do think it’s impossible to devote a lot of time and energy to all your different hobbies while having a full-time job if you have a lot of hobbies like I do. I haven’t really written in a month and I love writing. I haven’t done crochet in a long time. I haven’t played piano for longer. However, I have been dedicating myself to some other hobbies. I suppose my interests wane with time. I’ve been reading quite a lot lately, many books at a time, and I’ve been making tiktok videos about my reading. I don’t particularly like making videos and I don’t think I have the charisma for it, but I do like scripting them and thinking about literature in order to script them.

I’m very comfortable in my job. Yes, it pays badly, but it also gives me very little responsibility and a lot of free time. Most of my job is to sit at the front desk of the library and be a clerk to check books in and out. When there aren’t any people visiting the library for me to help, and when the other tasks I do – like organizing the kids’ section – are done, I can just chill out and read.

I’ve been questioning what exactly I’ve been doing on this site. I viewed it at first as an alternative to social media, but none of my real friends in real life look at my site at all, so it’s not very social. In fact, it’s isolating. I have some kinda sorta web friends but it’s not the same. Meanwhile I also went back to actual real social media, so it seems redundant at this point. I won’t delete this site or abandon it, but I’m rethinking how I conceptualize neocities as a whole in my mind. About twice a week I check my feed and look at what the people I follow are doing, but I can’t say I really read their blog posts in-depth, I just speed-read. So I truly wonder if people are actually reading anything I say on my site in turn. I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that it’s a creative outlet similar to any number of other creative outlets.

Hello? Can anybody hear me? Blink twice and send me a message on neocities if you’re reading this so I know I’m not alone here.

Life Update: February 2025

I got a job. I was ready to rant about how hard it is to get a job in this economy, but then I actually got a job. However I think my points about it being hard still apply. I applied for jobs everyday, grinded on linkedin and rewrote my resumée for a month and a half, and only got to the interview stage twice. Once they sent me a message on whatsapp saying I didn’t get the job, the other time I got it right there and then. The job I did get makes me no longer unemployed, but it does make me underemployed and underpaid. I made the decision to take the offer even though it was below my expected salary range and below my professional certification because I need the experience in the field to be able to get better jobs in the future. I already have internships, but those don’t count in the job market, apparently. My boyfriend already makes some money so now we’re a dual-income household, so I won’t die of hunger. It’s still discouraging to feel my work is undervalued. I’ll do my best at this job, because I want to work, and I want to work in my field; I like my field.

I’m a little bit worried about the required hours. It’s 44 hours a week. It’s the first full-time job I’ve ever had. I’m a very lazy person, usually. I sleep until midday, and I like to have a few hours per day to sit and do nothing. I won’t be able to do that anymore, and I’m scared I won’t be able to handle the workload. Wish me luck.

Life Update: December 2024

This last semester of the year has been full of huge changes in my personal life. In September, I moved in with my long-time partner -- and moved away from my parents -- for the first time in my life. Then, on the first of December, my beloved pet Sol died, she was the last one remaining of the couple of parakeets I’ve had since I was a teen. Also in December, I presented my bachelor’s dissertation, and I was approved, which means that I graduated. This means that I’m no longer a student, but if I’m not a student then I am unemployed. I want to make new years resolutions to go to the gym and journal and all that, but I think the only resolution that really makes sense for me to do right now is to get a steady job, then I can think about the rest.